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Just Get Naked
Much like a pimple on my butt, he is back. Ben. First, he sent flowers on my birthday. Then, a few days ago – a letter on fancy paper with concert tickets for “us” to use (worth $60 each). My...
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Some Things Can Wait
Download: ben.mp3 Okay. Let’s get past the obvious. Posting someone’s voicemail is completely foul and a violation of all things good and decent [like bunny rabbits and furry kittens]. So noted. Next....
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She Is Gone
She is gone. Missing. You know that feeling you get when you know something is wrong. Well, something is wrong. My cat, Dakota, concurs. On a good day, he is a jittery, suspicious furry hot mess – that...
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Professor Unicorn
“I can’t believe you got me to re-schedule a meeting so you can ogle a hot guy?” my boss, FairyWings, laughed. Me neither [but I do appreciate her allegiance to the cause.] “But then I thought to...
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The Girl With Pigtails
It was Friday. And I was joking around with one of my work-friends. Work-friends are people who act like they would give you a kidney between the hours of 9 and 5, but after 5:01 PM – they pretend not...
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Give Everything
I am not sure what I’m doing in New York in the middle of a hurricane. Hurricane Sandy. This ranks pretty high on my list of Dumb-Things-I-Do-Because-I-Need-To-Live-With-Someone-Who-Is-Not-Bonkers....
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The Only Penis That Turns Me On
Shh… I’m at work. Don’t tell anyone I am reading a blog by some dude crushing on his penis. [Gotta love the interwebs, baby!] I don’t want penises anywhere near my body. But if you wanna write about...
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How Hard Could It Be?
It’s a teeny tiny hole. That’s it. Who knew a teeny tiny hole could be such a huge pain in my ass? “See it? Right there,” the forensic engineer from my insurance company is pointing to a microscopic...
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Fork In the Road
I open my dryer with a fork. I just wedge that bad boy in a hole where the door handle once was, pry – and pop! It opens. Generally, I only believe in replacing things that are vital to my survival....
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The Hook in My Toe
Oh, great. Here comes my nephew, Mikie. He is playing at the other end of the school gym. [The kid’s always surrounded by an entourage. Totally popular. Clearly, we are not related.] “Is she your...
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